To Whom It May Concern:
I want to work with you. Not for you, but with you.
I am a hard worker, but want to find a balance in my life and not just be your slaving maniac. I am smarter that I can make you understand, especially in a one page form dominated letter. I am radically loyal. You would be fortunate to have me on your team. I am kind and like making things fun. I am good with kids, very nurturing. I do much better in interviews than on paper. I am diplomatic when the situation calls for it, but am working at being a straight-shooter which seems to have better results. You should try it. I tend to give unsolicited advice, but it is helpful. My skills in many arenas mean that whatever you are doing I probably have some experience in it and if not there is a youtube video out there with an answer.
Thank you for your kind consideration.
PS And if you are one of the companies or schools to which I have already submitted my cover letter, please take this note as the fun it was meant to be and not some slap in the face.
PPS If you have read this far you should hire me.
Instead of this I write predictable standard-ish form letters that so far have produced no offers of employment. Maybe I should include the paragraph above to at least advance my work in the arena of straight-shooting...
If you are interested in licensing or commission work please contact me.